Forgiveness

Ten years ago someone walked into an Amish school and killed 5 children and injured 5 others before taking the coward's way out.
His mother was speaking on NPRs Story Corp today. She said that at her son's funeral, the Amish community came out and showed their support and forgiveness for her son, a murderer.

It was such a moving story. It wasn't months or years after; it was days. They found forgiveness in their hearts.

And I asked myself this question: do you think you could ever forgive God?

I believe that once we die, we die. No heaven or hell, just gone. Losing Grayson challenges those ideas because I don't want him to just be gone. I want him in the arms of his Gramps and playing with Tina and Bella. I want to know that when I think of him, he will feel it and he will know. And that one day when I die I will see him again and he will be just as he was and he will run up to me and hug me and tell me he heard me all those times he was in my thoughts.

Oh but my heart ... it's so broken and I feel so betrayed.

How can my heart be so full of love for Grayson and still so full of hate for God?

Though I've been muddling this over in my head all morning the immediate answer to my question was maybe.

Maybe ...