God

That fucker has been on my mind lately.

The notion of God is fucking ridiculous.

But ...

There is this NEED inside my heart. This WANT to know that one day I will see you again. It is unfathomable that I will not. None of this makes sense so it seems like there is no other option than to believe. I do not want to live the rest of my life knowing I will never see you again. I need to believe that when you leave this realm you will be greeted by your Gramps and Marty and Bella and Tina and my Toby. And that when I die you will be there and you will see me and you will run to me and I will pick you up and hold you and never let you go.

And then the other day I was thinking about Felicia and about how cold and hard she can be and then there it was, the thought that popped into my head so quickly, "God made her that way (to get through this)." Everything that has happened to her in her life was for this.