Triggered

I have Grayson's picture as my home and lock screen on my phone. I see him every day. I think about him every day. But it's not every day that I get triggered. Where the wave of emotion is too overwhelming to stop. Usually I "self-trigger" when I'm at home and I let my thoughts go places I know I shouldn't.

And then sometimes it happens at work when I least expect it.

I was scrolling about on Facebook and I saw that my cousin's boyfriend posted a sonogram picture of their baby. In the caption he said the baby's name. And the baby's name is Grayson. I yelped when I saw it. It took my breath away for a second. I tried to keep it in. I tried to stop the tears. My co-worker came back in to the office so I was forced to hold it but when I knew I wouldn't be able to I went outside and let it all come out.

How am I supposed to have my heart not break every time I look at her son and say that name.
I asked her about it and there was no real thought behind it. They just liked the name. All I can do is hope they change their minds. I want to say something but it's so selfish to do so. I just don't need another fucking reminder ...